The Mom in the Short Pants

So it's been a long time since I've blogged. Like 4 years to be exact. I'm not sure that anyone has missed the thoughts in my head, but I felt like the internet wasn't the same without my spin on the world.

For my first post back I thought I would describe a situation that explains my life in one story.

First I'll catch you up on me.  I'm a stay at home mom, with an almost 16 year old daughter, a 13 year old daughter, and a 10 year old son.  Our lives revolve around travel sports and social lives, and I TRY to maintain an exercise schedule that keeps me out of a motor assisted scooter like the characters in Wall-E for a while.

Last weekend was the beginning of our 5th grade football season.  Our first game of the jamboree was at 11:05, so of course he boys had to be there at 9:30.  Because we have two parents in our home, I decided that my husband could handle the 9:30 arrival, and I could take one kid with me, hit the gym for a 9-10 am class, and have plenty of time to shower at the gym and get there before the first game started.

The night before the games we got an email that the road to the park was to be closed at 11. Duly noted. I would need to leave the gym by 10:30 to arrive before the road closure. Because I am a super organized (read here, tend to run late) mom, I packed my bag for the gym that night, set my alarm for 8:00, and went to bed.

When the alarm went off I was very startled. I couldn't remember why I set it until my 13 year old came in and told me she was ready to head out. Right, gym.  Grab my bag to change, remembered to grab a towel for the shower (learned that lesson before), and headed out.

The class that morning was ROUGH. With a humidity level of about 200%, I soaked through my clothes, and had to take a few minutes to cool off before I could actually get into the shower. If it doesn't gross you out, take a look at the sweat angel I left on the floor while I was catching my breath.

Finally when I had cooled to the point that sweat rivers weren't running down my legs, I grabbed my bag and headed for the shower.  10:10... I had 20 minutes to shower and leave and keep my schedule in tact.

I shower, use my towel THAT I REMEMBERED TO BRING, and head into the main bathroom to do hair and makeup.  I was still a little hot, so I wore my towel while fixing my hair and prepping my face.  10:20, right on schedule.

I waited until the last possible moment to get my clothes on. Between my post workout "glow", the humidity in the bathroom (that has showers, yet NO exhaust fans), I was struggling to cool off.  10:23, I could wait no longer, and I grab my clothes to get dressed.   Got my underthings on, my super cute spiritwear tank on, and find myself digging through the bag to find the matching, somewhat conservative, shorts I had picked out.  Digging, and digging...shorts no where to be found.  As I'm freaking out, I stick my head out of the bathroom and call my 13 year old over. "Can you go to the car and grab my shorts? They must have fallen out in the car."

When she came back empty handed I had to think fast. 10:25. Need to get to game. Can't miss my kid's first game of the season. Road closes at 11. What to do???

The best solution I could come up with was to find some shorts quickly on the way. Lucky for me, there's a Dollar General about a mile away.   Certainly they would have shorts there?!?

Now I'm in a hurry. I wrapped my towel around me poolside style, and walked past the 10am class at the gym, and out the door.  I was told later my friend's husband had said "was she wearing a towel?"  On to Dollar General we went.

Lucky for me I had my laid back middle child with me, who not only wasn't phased by this, but humored me by taking a picture before I walked into the fashion Mecca that is Dollar General.

Right now I know what you are thinking, and I should have thought it before this became my plan for the day.  Contrary to my beliefs, Dollar General did NOT, in fact, have a huge clothing department.  In fact, they only had half an aisle of leftover, clearanced, summer clothes, in no particular order.  My dear middle child and I started rifling through the rack as quickly as we could.  Meanwhile, an older gentleman, overhearing my cries of disappointment in the selection, came around the corner.

"Can I help you find something?" 
 "Um, no."
"Well, what are you looking for?"
Me, glancing down at my towel-skirt, "You don't want to know."
Confused, he finally let us be.

After about 3 highly intense minutes of searching, child and I narrowed the possibilities down to a pair of black, plastic-type shorts, a white cotton pair of shorts (labeled large) and a pair of leopard print 3xl track shorts.  The black seemed to be the most normal (if you could believe it), but had no size label.  So what do I do?  Slip them on under my towel.  At the very moment my child exclaims "MOM THEY WILL THINK YOU ARE STEALING THEM!" I realize, they should be labelled "not-my-size" and proceed to try and slide them off while also holding my towel skirt up to cover the underwear that I managed to remember.  Now its 10:28, so I decide the "large" white shorts will have to do, grab them and go to the register to pay my $3.36 (with tax) for my new pair of shorts.  

Running out the door at 10:30 on the dot, I pull up the shorts in the parking lot and hope the "large" shorts won't be too big.  Um, wow, they aren't.  In fact, not only are they not too big, I have to turn around and ask my child if they are long enough to cover my underwear.  She says "They are fine" and we are on our merry way.

We managed to make the game by 10:58, and my shorts troubles are somewhat pushed to the back of my mind.  I find my son and let him know I'm there, and take a picture with him.  During the games occasionally I tug down my shirt to cover as much as I can of my white shorts, and randomly tell people that these weren't the shorts I planned to wear.  We have a good time at the game, and as we get to the car I need to complete my 5 year tradition of posting a picture of my son and I on Jamboree day.  It is then that I can fully appreciate and see the shorts I have been wearing around all day.  Wow.  These shorts are more (really less) than I could have imagined.

Thank goodness I am at an age that I just don't care as much what people think anymore.  I'm relieved to have not missed a moment of my son's games.  I'm relieved my middle child is go-with-the-flow and helped me instead of being horrified and complaining.  I'm relieved Dollar General had SOMETHING that kept me from actually wearing a towel to the field.  Most of all, I'm relieved that I grabbed the nude colored underwear to wear that day ;)

And if anyone is in dire need of a JUNIORS large white cotton pair of shorts, let me know.  I have a feeling I won't be wearing them again.